Finding the Right Coping Skills for Children & Adolescents: A Guide for Parents and Caregivers
Supporting children and adolescents through emotional challenges requires a tailored approach. Exploring a variety of coping skills allows you to find what resonates best with your child, empowering them to navigate emotional ups and downs confidently. Encourage your child to build a toolkit of favorite strategies they can draw upon in any situation.
One effective therapeutic modality gaining recognition is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a form of therapy rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). While originally designed for individuals struggling with emotional dysregulation, DBT offers universal tools that benefit everyone, including children and adolescents.
Understanding Emotional Development and Challenges
Children are continually learning how to manage their feelings—sometimes feeling misunderstood or overwhelmed, which can lead to mood regulation difficulties. As a mental health professional and a parent myself, I recognize that DBT can be both rigorous and rewarding. It demands commitment; the skills require practice and patience to master. Like any new habit, they may not “click” immediately, but persistence pays off. Over time, with consistent effort, these skills become second nature, fostering greater emotional resilience.
The Four Pillars of DBT
DBT emphasizes four core components, each essential for emotional well-being:
Mindfulness: Cultivating a present-focused, non-judgmental awareness to recognize early signs of emotional dysregulation.
Emotional Regulation: Developing strategies to manage and soothe intense emotions, promoting healthier responses.
Distress Tolerance: Building skills to withstand crises without resorting to harmful behaviors.
Interpersonal Effectiveness: Enhancing communication skills to foster positive relationships and assert healthy boundaries.
Once familiar with these foundational areas, families can tailor their focus—selecting specific skills from each category that best suit their child's needs. This customizable approach creates a versatile “toolbox” from which children can confidently select appropriate strategies at various moments.
Practical Coping Skills: Examples for Daily Use
Here are some evidence-based techniques aligned with each component:
Mindfulness: Breathing exercises, urge surfing (noticing urges and allowing them to pass).
Emotional Regulation: "ABC PLEASE"—a comprehensive approach encouraging positive experiences, mastery, and coping strategies.
Distress Tolerance: TIPP—using temperature changes, intense exercise, paced breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation to manage crises.
Interpersonal Effectiveness: FAST—techniques to ensure communication that is Fair, apologies when needed, Stick to your values, and truthful.
These skills, once understood and practiced, empower children to respond to emotions constructively. Even if they use only a part of a skill initially—such as focusing on just “A” in ABC PLEASE—that’s a significant step forward.
Making Skills Work for Your Child
The key is to find strategies that resonate with your child’s personality and preferences. Practice these skills during calm moments to build familiarity, so they can readily implement them during challenging times. For example, you might practice deep breathing or coloring sessions when your child is feeling good, reinforcing positive associations.
A Personal Reflection
As a parent of a 6-year-old navigating emotional dysregulation, I understand firsthand the importance of patience and support. My son Ash naturally gravitates toward simple coping mechanisms like walking away from stressful situations, engaging in creative activities such as Legos and coloring, and accepting his feelings. One memorable moment involved him upset after a coloring dispute—he chose to acknowledge his sadness, take a break, and eventually reenter his emotional state of happiness. This illustrates the concept of “riding the wave” of emotion—allowing feelings to rise and fall without judgment.
Moving Forward
Every child has the capacity to learn and implement effective coping skills. The journey requires time, patience, and unwavering support. As caregivers, our encouragement cultivates resilience and emotional health, helping our children grow into happy, balanced individuals with a healthy mindset.
References
Child Mind Institute. (2024, November 13). DBT: What is dialectical behavior therapy? A treatment for children and teenagers with trouble managing emotions. Retrieved from https://childmind.org/article/dbt-dialectical-behavior-therapy/
Vallejo, M. (2023, April 28). Dialectical behavior therapy for kids. Retrieved from https://mentalhealthcenterkids.com/blogs/articles/dbt-for-kids
